


Waves

by Teitatoo



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-17
Updated: 2019-09-17
Packaged: 2020-10-20 13:55:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20676491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Teitatoo/pseuds/Teitatoo
Summary: The story of how love can be just like every other flower.And wither.





	Waves

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Yleisnotonfire](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yleisnotonfire/gifts).

> It's written with a help of a Polish song by one of my favourite artists, titled "Nie ma fal" ("There's no waves") by Dawid Podsiadło. The rough translation's in the text.

I don't really remember well the exact moment we saw each other. Neither the first month we were existing next to each other in all the unfamiliar places. The real first memory I have of you is when we hugged after our first passed exam. Only 9 people from around 75 passed it. I cried from happiness that day (of course because I got it, not that I hugged you). But by that time we were good friends alread y. Though ma ybe I should start from the very beginning?

I wanted to become a translator. Always tried my best in languages, taught myself so many things I had no problems even at the final exam in high school. But I never knew what I really, really wanted to do in my life. Being a translator would be fun. But not the only thing to do. My friends wanted to help me. So one of them (Junnie) asked me to start going with him to advanced biology lessons that our teacher agreed to organize. I agreed.

Junnie wanted to become a nurse or a paramedic, so he studied hard to be able to get into medical university. He also helped me a lot. I always liked biology so I was enjoying the process. 

I also liked helping people so becoming a paramedic was alright with me. At least I thought like that.

  
  


_ Waves, there’s no waves _

_ There’s no waves, There’s no waves _

_ There’s no waves, There’s no waves _

_ There’s no waves _

Both Junnie & me got into the med uni. The first semester we always stuck together. We were almost inseparable. We ended up in the same group, and where I was, he was also there, and vice versa. 

You were in a different group but we shared anatomy so there were plenty of chances for us to talk. Adding up that we were always way ahead of time for it. We talked for an hour before the anatomy class started every week. Then we started sitting next to each other on every lecture. We were sharing stories, minds and hearts. In no time we were best friends. I don't even know when it happened but I was content like that. 

I always found you handsome. Your black hair that looked rather rough but were super fluffy when you touched them. Your dark brown eyes in which I was losing myself every time. In fact, you are the first person I wasn't afraid to look into the eyes and hold the contact for more than 3 seconds. As long as I can remember, I was sure that people could read me as a book if I looked them in the eye. It was too intimate for me. But I let you strip me from all my insecurities and be this intimate with me. It felt normal. It felt good. It still does.

_ Nice, talking goes quite good _

_ And [we] like every movie watched together _

_ In me, the problem’s in me for sure _

_ Don’t look for it in you, _

_ In you everything’s okay _

_ Maybe you’ll know by this: _

_ Go and find me later _

_ Today I don’t want to sail, ‘cause _

We were very comfortable with each other. We would hug, sit so close together there was almost no air between us. People thought we were dating because we're touching all the time.

I think that's were all of this started falling apart. 

I knew by then that I was kind of in love with you. Maybe not IN love but I was infatuated. Hard. 

_ Readily, I can hold your hand, _

_ If you want I’ll throw away every expired sauce _

_ That’s so funny, _

_ I still don’t understand you, _

_ Mrs. Mother* wanted me to have more that just high school _

_ But know by this: _

_ Find me somewhere later _

_ Today I don’t want to sail, ‘cause _

That's why I couldn't understand why you were suddenly a little distant. You were avoiding my touches, started getting one of our friends between us when we were sitting in lecture halls. It hurt. But I'm not the person that would ask right away what's going on. Instead I also started putting distance between us. So it grew. Until you couldn't take it, and attached yourself to me again. But only until I started to reciprocate your affection. When I did, you took a step back again. We are going like that for more than 2 years already. 

I also discovered that if we were alone or just with our closest friends, you would let me touch you more, and yourself to touch me more comfortably. It became clear to me you didn't want others to know how close we really are. It still hurts. 

I felt like you were ashamed of me. This constant push and pull was getting me hard. I started falling into depression again. I thought I wouldn't have a problem with it anymore, especially after I met you. A person that understands me even without me saying anything.

_ Waves, there’s no waves _

_ There’s no waves, There’s no waves _

_ There’s no waves,  _

_ There’s no waves, There’s no waves _

_ There’s no waves, no _

There was one day when I was feeling down. I think I cried the evening before because of my brain telling me I'm worthless that even you don't want to be associated too much with me. I was doing that a lot that time. Someone asked you if you're not worried about me. You asked then if I'm alright and, of course, I said I'm okay. But I wasn't. And that person asking you saw that. You either didn't or wasn't so keen on talking about it. You told them you respect my words, that even if I'm not alright but don't want to talk about it, you won't press me. I should be happy, right? Well, I wasn't. I wanted you to talk to me, ask what's going on, if I maybe need something. I thought you knew I'm not one to open up about everything, that I need attention and love. That I need another person.

It was somehow going on like that, me wanting to spend some more time with a reassurance you're close and at least a bit of you is mine, you pushing me away, me distancing myself, and you reaching out. All of this was a never ending circle.

_ Waves, there’s no waves _

_ There’s no waves, There’s no waves _

_ There’s no waves,  _

_ There’s no waves, There’s no waves _

_ There’s no waves, no _

We once joked we will move into our own house one day. Of course as best friends, nothing more. We went to a home emporium where we were walking aimlessly, acting like other pairs that were there. We were talking about which door would be best for our bedroom and for our kids, which floor tiles would suit our kitchen, what colors the walls would have. We talked about buying a huge shower so we would both fit. 

It was just joking, I know. But when we went to visit our friend in another city and stayed the night there, you said their bedroom was too dark and that ours would need to be brighter. I asked why are you mentioning it after a few months, and you told me that planning how our home would be like become a nice habit for you. I didn't know what to do then. You said it like it was the most normal thing to do in your free time. I felt lost. It was like a blessings and a curse all in one. 

A blessing because that seemed to be our thing. Another connection just for the two of us. But it was also a curse, making me feel like I had a chance. 

Until our friend started working with you. You always had a soft spot for him, you two were more intimate in public, in contrast to us being more intimate in private, even with him being with us. But after you two became working in the same place, spending more time together, sharing something I didn't share with you. You two become almost glued to each other. Laughing at something that happened at work or related to it. You got closer not only emotionally but also psychically. I was happy that you could share some burden with someone that would understand. But I also felt excluded from almost everything we were doing. Be it eating in a restaurant, drinking bubble tea or just waiting for our lectures to start. 

I distanced myself even more. 

And you stopped reaching out to me. 

_ Sure, I would like to hear more from you, _

_ I’ll just go somewhere _

_ Then maybe I’ll find the time _

_ Before I was meeting with you daily _

_ But now when I have to  _

_ I would rather go to sleep _

_ Please, know by this: _

_ Find me somewhere later _

_ Today we won’t sail, ‘cause _

I was so sure we wouldn't fall apart, that we'll be best friends forever. But now I feel we lost our precious connection, lost the closeness. Sure, we talk, but it's almost nothing considering that once we were talking everyday. We've become detached, going from best friends to simply just friends. 

Of course I don't blame you. But you changed. I changed. I was crazy in love with you. And now I'm sporting a new crush, getting through stages of infatuation much faster than I did with you. I know there will be nothing out of it but I still chose to get into a totally new feeling, and that means getting you out of the equation, and slowly getting rid of the feelings I got for you. 

This kind of pains me. But the feeling of looking at him and locking our eyes because he's already staring is one of the most exciting moments in my life. You're still very important to me but you're slowly becoming a brother. Or more like a cousin, the one you love a lot but visit once in a while. The change happened so fast and so undetected for me, once again I don’t really know how and when.

_ Waves, there’s no waves _

_ There’s no waves, There’s no waves _

_ There’s no waves,  _

_ There’s no waves, There’s no waves _

_ There’s no waves, no _

We’re not meeting much anymore. Also, after finishing one specialization, you chose a totally different one. We’re going our separate ways and I’m not even sad about it. I’m not sad I’m not going to see you often. Or maybe even at all. Just once in a while, if we’re lucky.

I feel kinda empty. The feelings once so beautiful, filling up my heart completely. Now they’re gone. The only thing left of them is an empty spot. It’s strange. Because I’m not really hurt. When you’re not next to me, I don’t feel my heart breaking. Even if the distance is only growing. It’s as if all the feelings just flowed out and left nothing. A space void of anything. A blank paper..

_ Turururutututu torururututu _

_ Turururutututu torururututu _

_ Turururutututu torururututu _

_ Turururututu turururututu  _


End file.
